your room smells of hookers.
And success
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
