I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
