I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
