He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
