Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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