I just saw a hot homeless man
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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