I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
