we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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