Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I look better un-naked...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
