Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
