true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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