Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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