is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
