I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
