Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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