I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
