I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
