If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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