My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
