Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
