Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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