I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
