who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
