From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
