the new term for farting is butt boxing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
