New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
