Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
