Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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