Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
send nudes
from the living room?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
