I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
