Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
