Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
