yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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