puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
