do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
