Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
