i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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