I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
