Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we're so committed to being not committed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
