we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
vagina is talking i cant
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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