Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
