it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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