I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
