I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
