my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
