She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
