you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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