She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
