hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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