i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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