Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
