Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
