it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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