i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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