It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
