Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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