i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
