If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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