I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
