If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
